Today is the sixth year anniversary of my brother Justin's death. I don't know why I have been thinking about it so much more than usual this time of year, but it has been on my mind for weeks now. Maybe it is all the crazy hormones when you are pregnant. Justin died around 4am in a car accident where the car went flying and hit the ground seven times and the driver flew out first and he flew out last. It was a tragedy that changed my whole family's life forever. I remember the phone call from my mom and, without understanding a word she said through the sobs I threw Claire (one year old) in the car and ran over. It is interesting when someone that close to you dies, the many emotions that run through you, also the need for comic relief. The coming together of friends and family and the overwhelming support we received through our connections in the church was unbelievable. All of a sudden the smallest things become the biggest and every little event that has happened up to then is amplified and floods your memory. Heavenly Father loves his children so much and knows that he can't keep these tough things from us. He has the grander picture and just wants to see us grow and be happy, but growth hurts sometimes. So in the mist of all the growing he provides us with as many tender mercies as he can to help ease the pain and bring us the comfort and strength to survive those growing pains. I am so grateful for the endless list of blessings that came and continue to come either directly from our Father in Heaven or through the wonderful people he surrounded us with. I love my family so much, I do not take them for granted anymore. I love my siblings, I cherish every moment we have together, we are bonded together stronger now and in a way that I can't describe or compare to anything else I know. My parents are my best friends and I watch out for and defend them as if they were my own children. I never want to see them suffer like that again. The gospel of Jesus Christ was before, but even more now the foundation of my life. I feel as though I had a solid testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ before, it guided my life and was the basis of every decision I made. But there is a difference now that grounds me even closer to those teachings then ever before. I wish I was a better writer and could explain my thoughts more clearly. The plan of salvation and principle of eternal families, is no longer something that I just learn and talk about, something that I am just grateful for. It is so real, almost tangible, something that gives life a reason and purpose like never before, you lean and rely on that knowledge just to keep you sane. I love the gospel so much and am so grateful for the blessing and lessons and opportunities the Lord has provided for me. As I have been thinking about Justin so much, especially today it is a comfort to feel the love and appreciation and peace take over the pain and sorrow in my heart. I love you so much Justin, I pray for you and look forward to the day when we can be a complete family again.
This is one of our most treasured tender mercies granted to us. We had this family picture taken on a whim one month before Justin died having no idea how priceless it would become.
The time we lived in
Glenwood Springs Colorado was full of so many fun memories for Justin and I, we loved our mountain home.
This is another one of my most treasured pictures. It is the weekend I came home from my mission to Germany. Robbie is on my right and Justin on my left. Justin and I had a very
turbulent relationship for so many years. This was the beginning of rebuilding for us and we were just so happy to see
each other. I love my brothers.
This is the picture we used for the program at his service. It is a crop from a picture of him with a good friend of mine at my wedding. She was trying on her bride's maid dress to see if it fit over her belly full of twins.
Today is the sixth year anniversary of my brother Justin's death. I don't know why I have been thinking about it so much more than usual this time of year, but it has been on my mind for weeks now. Maybe it is all the crazy hormones when you are pregnant. Justin died around 4am in a car accident where the car went flying and hit the ground seven times and the driver flew out first and he flew out last. It was a tragedy that changed my whole family's life forever. I remember the phone call from my mom and, without understanding a word she said through the sobs I threw Claire (one year old) in the car and ran over. It is interesting when someone that close to you dies, the many emotions that run through you, also the need for comic relief. The coming together of friends and family and the overwhelming support we received through our connections in the church was unbelievable. All of a sudden the smallest things become the biggest and every little event that has happened up to then is amplified and floods your memory. Heavenly Father loves his children so much and knows that he can't keep these tough things from us. He has the grander picture and just wants to see us grow and be happy, but growth hurts sometimes. So in the mist of all the growing he provides us with as many tender mercies as he can to help ease the pain and bring us the comfort and strength to survive those growing pains. I am so grateful for the endless list of blessings that came and continue to come either directly from our Father in Heaven or through the wonderful people he surrounded us with. I love my family so much, I do not take them for granted anymore. I love my siblings, I cherish every moment we have together, we are bonded together stronger now and in a way that I can't describe or compare to anything else I know. My parents are my best friends and I watch out for and defend them as if they were my own children. I never want to see them suffer like that again. The gospel of Jesus Christ was before, but even more now the foundation of my life. I feel as though I had a solid testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ before, it guided my life and was the basis of every decision I made. But there is a difference now that grounds me even closer to those teachings then ever before. I wish I was a better writer and could explain my thoughts more clearly. The plan of salvation and principle of eternal families, is no longer something that I just learn and talk about, something that I am just grateful for. It is so real, almost tangible, something that gives life a reason and purpose like never before, you lean and rely on that knowledge just to keep you sane. I love the gospel so much and am so grateful for the blessing and lessons and opportunities the Lord has provided for me. As I have been thinking about Justin so much, especially today it is a comfort to feel the love and appreciation and peace take over the pain and sorrow in my heart. I love you so much Justin, I pray for you and look forward to the day when we can be a complete family again.
2 comments:
What a great post about your brother! It is great that you think about him often and that you can remember all of the good times!
Oh Carrie! I think part of me must have known that it was that time of year but I couldn't remember when exactly. How strange because I searched the whole house on a whim last week for the pictures from your wedding and found a pic of me and Justin and me and you! Your wedding was such a great day! I didn't know the anniversary of his death was so close. I also didn't know that a photo of us was used for the funeral! I don't think I've seen that pic. I love how you described me with my belly full of twins! I've been looking at those photos for the past week without realizing why. wow.
What you said was so beautiful and so eloquent. The gospel of Jesus Christ is such a gift--it provides light and truth and purpose and comfort in this confusing world. Thank you for sharing your testimony! I love you so much!
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